I want to be a good person, I try my hardest to be, I volunteered, donated, tried to help everyone around me whenever I could but I never do enough, I never do or never did enough to be considered a good person.

I used to work in a charity shop, I'd work, paid, and do unpaid overtime, get there early, leave late, cover for anyone who needed it, do whatever the boss asked. I'd go as a volunteer on my days off, I'd volunteer at a different shop for the same charity, and I'd donate my own money back to them, it was never enough for them, they never appreciated me or said thank you or anything, at one point I'd work 6 days a week sometimes 7, while also delivering food in the evenings, some days I'd work both jobs in total from about 8am to 11pm, not including travel there and home, but it was never enough, even my family never seemed happy or proud that I was working and stuff.

Speaking of my family, I try my best to be good to them, they always complain about me costing money, taking up space, not helping out etc, I do try to. I would do housework if I could but I just have 0 energy all the time, I cleaned my room this week, it took me the whole week just to throw trash out, wash my clothes and vacuum the floor, I just have no energy to help out in the house no matter how much I want to, I'd love to do the dishes or clean the bathroom but it would just never get done because I have no energy.
My family complain a lot about money, and complain that I get money for free because of my disability, but at the same time if I try and just give them money they reject it, so I have to come up with ways to secretly give them money. The biggest way is I borrow money from them that I don't need to borrow, then pay back more than I borrowed. for example last month I borrowed £320 from my mum and I gave her back £500, I do that often, I don't think she even knows I give her too much back, she just kind of forgets how much I borrow so when I pay her back she just assumes its right. I do the same to my sister, but she knows I do it, I'll borrow £20 or £30 and give her £40 or £50 back.

I try to be a good friend, I value my friends more than anything, I only have 2 of them, V and M, they mean more to me than anything. I bother V with my issues *a lot*, I feel like I'm very annoying to him, that's part of why I made this site, so I would have a place to bother rather than bothering him. I don't get him enough gifts, I mostly end up just getting him like, Discord nitro and stuff, I could do more than that. Anytime V is sad or struggling or going through stuff, I'm pretty useless, I just spam hug emojis instead of actually helping like I should.
M struggles a lot, I try my absolute best to help her, I love her. I offer her support, suggestions, comfort, I try and cheer her up and make her feel better, but I suck at it. She has a lot of problems with money and stuff, can't afford groceries or bills or insurance or medication etc, so I give her money or pay for those things for her but it's never enough, nothing I do is ever enough for my friends, I just want to be a good friend.
V has recently got into a new "hobby" and he tells me about it *a lot*, like he spams me with info dumps and yaps about it but every time I just kind of.. sit there, reading, never knowing what to say, I don't know anything about it or what I'm supposed to say so I just, don't, and I feel terrible for it.

~A